Little Ethnic Girls
CLASSIC SHOWS FROM OUR FIRST YEAR
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|Live broadcasting by Radio Titans|
|They’re funny, they’re ethnic, they’re short!Maria Shehata and Helen Hong are stand up comedians, killing their parents’ dreams one joke at a time.Every week, they and a guest share the Racist Moment of the Week, call each other out on their love lives, and tackle current events.Little Ethnic Girls bridges the gap between the far east, the mid east, and LA. And sometimes their moms call in to yell at them.|
We’re joined by comedian Roy Wood Jr., star of TBS’s “Sullivan and Sons” and a Top 3 finalist on Last Comic Standing. Roy shares bad boy tales of getting caught using not his credit cards at Macy’s and trying to pick up ladies with free tanks of gas. In addition to dabbling in all the major dating websites, he was also involuntarily profiled on “DontDateHimGirl.com”
TruTV star and all-around gay-lebrity Brad Loekle (@bradloekle) join the gals to talk about the Boston Marathon bombings. It was horrible for everyone, especially anyone trapped in a looong one-night stand during the lockdown. Brad shares being asked to “gay it down” in Hollywood which is tough because he’s been loudly out since he was 12.
The girls welcome author/blogger/recovering agoraphobe Sara Benincasa. We all reminisce about a comedy road gig we took together in 2006, unofficially named “Darfur-gasm” which was supposed to be an epic fundraiser but which turned out to be a total disaster. Sara’s memoir “Agorafabulous!: Dispatches from my Bedroom” has just come out on paperback and is hilarious yet harrowing. At one point she was peeing in jars in her bedroom, but she’s proud to point out she never pooped anywhere but the toilet. Helen wishes she could say the same. Maria doesn’t think Helen should be Facebook friends with her ex. Nobody does, except for her ex.
The girls welcome actor Maz Siam, who has been seen on Argo and the Mindy Project, to talk about starting his acting career at the tender age of 49, how his two divorces has helped fuel his acting, and how being Palestinian has landed him roles as angry Arabs who die. Who hasn’t stalked? Maz admits having gone to his ex’s Facebook pages, Maria has friended a guy on Facebook who hasn’t necessarily given her his full name, while Helen admits to stalking her ex-boyfriend by going up to his door, putting her ear against it, and listening for another woman. We laughed, we cried, and Maz almost blows his nose on a Clorox wipe.
This week we’re joined by comedian J Chris Newberg, who is the king of clever one-liners on Twitter. We do dramatic re-enactments of all our recent relationship disasters. Helen shares that she attended her first Overeater’s Anonymous meeting, and since it was in Los Angeles, everyone was THIN! Turns out the first step of recovery is NOT Maria admitting that Helen is an overeater
This week we’re joined by writer/comic/Tweet-Monster H Alan Scott. Maria & Helen share their experience attending an intuition workshop and their observations of the granola-types who generally attend such events. H Alan shares a story about getting robbed while having sexytime at a gay club in Berlin. He also shares his experience battling testicular cancer and creating the Twitter hashtag #Chemocation.
We’re joined by comedian/performer Aidan Park who’s a children’s party bubble-blower by day. Don’t tell the kids’ parents he’s gay, though, shh! We discuss why gay relationships don’t last as long, and why so many are “open” relationships. We would mention how gay he is except his sweater has done it for him
This week we’re joined by Joe Sib, founder of Side One Dummy Records, DJ on 98.7LA radio, and former frontman for the band Wax. He is also a standup comic and king of positive energy, as evidenced by his NON-snarky Academy Awards tweet, unlike every other comic who was dishing out Hate-erade on Oscar night! Maria is star-struck when she finds out Joe was in the band Wax & hums one of their songs. We talk about Joe’s early days as a young rocker, his 20 year marriage, and his upcoming comedy show at 98.7′s lounge
On our post-Valentine’s Day episode we’re joined by actor Diane Neal, star of “Law & Order SVU”, “NCIS” and “Suits.” We all had awkward Valentine’s Days. Maria traveled all the way to San Jose for a first date with a guy who then stiffed her for lunch! Helen was on the road so avoided a forced romantic situation with her boyfriend who she’s been fighting with. Diane is in the midst of a divorce & watched movies with her “was-band.” Diane has lived all over the world and can say phrases in 85 languages which makes Helen and Maria feel dumb. Diane’s a die-hard New Yorker who hates LA, but not for the same reasons Helen’s boyfriend hates LA: too many cars & planes. In “The Racist Moment of the Week” we discuss Alec Baldwin’s meltdown calling a black photographer a “coon” and a “Ralston.” You know you’re racist when you resurrect old-school racial slurs!
Maria Shehata is joined by one of the original Little Ethnic Girl’s, comedian Liz Miele and the two discuss addiction, bettering yourself, and sad status updates
Maria Shehata is joined by comedians Liz Miele and Zach Sherwin to talk about hip hop and it’s ties to comedy, Zach dropping his stage name, and him dating a good samaritan
Round 2 with Jimmy Smith – The girls are joined again by Bellator MMA commentator Jimmy Smith, to talk about why guys shouldn’t be honest on OK Cupid about rape fantasies. And Jimmy offers his “testicular perspective” on Helen blaming her boyfriend for her fatness.
Samba Schutte – The girls are joined by annoyingly multi-lingual comedian Samba Schutte to talk about being half Dutch and half Mauritanian, and what and where Mauritania is.
The girls go without a guest this week, to talk more about themselves.
It’s our first Little Ethnic Girls podcast of 2013 and we’re trying out a new theme song. We’re joined by comedian and commercial actor Nick Cobb, who just moved to LA from NY with his wife. Nick is surprised by how many newly married people are miserable. Nick drove across the country with his wife of 18 months and they only fought about eating at Denny’s. We discuss customer service: would you rather someone be fake nice or genuine mean? Nick and Helen prefer fake, Maria prefers dicks. We discuss karaoke and what makes a good karaoke performance. Helen is afraid to get her weed card even though it’s legal in California, and prefers the days when getting weed was being a badass. Maria sings the praises of her awesome apartment, except for the fact a guy was mugged right in front of the door last week. We talk about muggings and how if someone chases your mugger down, you at least owe them dinner.
In this New Years Eve episode, the girls are joined by comedian and writer Jenny Yang joins them to talk about her “out of control” experience with National Novel Writing Month, failed resolutions, and how Maria hates when people say “This is going to be my year!”
Helen’s hairstylist Reggie is in studio to dish out dirt about being a Beverly Hills celebrity stylist.
Worldly comedian Meena Dimian joins the girls with macaroons.
In our post- Thanksgiving edition, Helen and Maria share their Thanksgiving experiences, including Helen’s parents meeting her very white boyfriend for the first time. They are joined by Helen’s boyfriend, and dating and relationship expert, Julia Austin to “analazyze” them, and discuss the inherent problem with online dating.
Maria Shehata and Helen Hong are joined by comedian Dwayne Perkins to dispel men’s fear of independent women, and his love of butts.
Maria Shehata and Helen Hong are joined by Workaholic’s star Erik Griffin who pisses them off by telling them why men hate dating independent women.
Comedians Brian Moote and Andrew Sleighter join Maria this week on Little Ethnic Girls. In the racist moment of the week, Brian shares how doing urban shows, he gets a lot of “funny for a white guy” comments, and Jake found a Korean sign that was translated too literally. Maria expresses concern about her neutral face after the DP of a web series said when he first met her, he thought she was a “heinous bitch,” and he didn’t want her on the project. On first impressions, Andrew says as a non-descript white guy, he gets tons of chances to make a first impression. They all discuss condoms in porn, and debate with Jake about who makes more money, comedians or porn stars.
Maria Shehata and Helen Hong are joined by musician/comedian Henry Phillips who brings his soothing voice to the show to talk about bad spellers, relationships, and Henry’s cooking show “Henry’s Kitchen”
This week on Little Ethnic Girls, Helen and Maria welcome comedian Rye Silverman to talk about life as a cross dresser. In Helen’s racist moment of the week, she resents casting directors basically asking her to “chink it up a bit” when auditioning for very Asiany roles. Maria think accents are hilarious, and wishes she could do one, but they always end up sounding Indian turned Southern. Rye shares a transphobic moment of the week. As a straight male who likes to dress in women’s clothing, Helen and Maria had a lot of burning questions about his dating life. Rye discusses his parents’ response to his cross dressing, how long he’s been doing it, and how he really hates the term “guyliner.” The conversation somehow turns to underwear sniffing, and how in Japan they have vending machines where you can buy dirty women’s underwear. Jake chimes in and asks the pressing question, “Who’s celebrity underwear would you sniff?”
Maria Shehata is joined by comedians Byron Bowers and Rome Gall to talk about being an Egyptian, and two black guys in Billings, Montana for the first annual Big Sky Comedy Competition.
Maria Shehata and Helen Hong are joined by comedians Alli Breen and Christian Duguay. The four get off to a rocky start as Helen yelled at Christian to “sit down and shut up!” But the quartet quickly get in a groove, and share their dark sides, Helen “chinking it up” for an audition, and Maria playing pool on a second date.
This week’s Little Ethnic Girls is without Helen, but Maria welcomes comedians Ed Galvez and Jerry Rocha, replacing Helen with two Mexicans. They discuss growing up “Crazy Catholic.” Jerry’s relatives are super superstitious, and make the sign of the cross all the time. Ed talks about how his sisters traded in Catholicism for the Secret, and how at least there’s no guilt involved with the Secret. His sisters have used the Secret to will a gay best friend into their life, and Maria once willed a smoothie into her life. Maria discusses her date from OK Cupid, and how it was “nice,” and how that is a very mature reaction to a date, while Jerry reveals that his two year relationship with a white girl (every Mexican’s dream) started on the road, and is proof that a fast moving relationship CAN result in a healthy, long-lasting relationship. Good news for Helen. Ed experiences too much anxiety dating online, and thinks he is “unfuckable” on paper. Jerry disagrees, and thinks Ed is very fuckable on paper. Jerry says 90% of the girls who go out on dates with him, just want free meals. Maria thinks that’s a guy thing to do, and it’s not worth it for a girl to go through fending off sexual advances for a free meal at Olive Garden. The conversation turns to Karaoke, and Jerry’s song of choice is Roadhouse Blues by the Doors, Maria’s is Punk Rock Girl by the Dead Milkmen (Ed admits he “crushes so much pus” when he drops that jam), and Ed goes with early 90′s Green Day or Pantera
We welcome comedian Guy Branum who is a large non-ethnic boy, panelist on Chelsea Lately and the newly hired sassy-gay-friend character on CBS’s “Partners.” Guy was scared he was coming to be murdered at their ghetto studio location which is on Hollywood Boulevard but is both sketchy and touristy. Helen’s white boyfriend is meeting her Korean parents at Thanksgiving, and her mom is horrified at the idea of a man sleeping over. Maria’s parents also don’t approve of living together before marriage. Growing up, both Maria and Helen did not appreciate their family Thanksgivings of turkey with a side of grape leaves or kimchi, but now realize how good that was. Guy grew up on an almond farm, and his parents were lazy about making meals since there were always almonds on the ground to eat. The discussion turns to the recent Mid-East violence sparked by an anti-Muslim movie allegedly produced by a Coptic Christian, and how the Coptic community is on edge about it. In “The Racist Moment of the Week”, Helen thinks the reason “Gangnam Style” is sweeping the country is because people want to make fun of the Koreans in the video. But the video is so ridiculous, how could you NOT mock it
In this week’s Little Ethnic Girls, Maria welcomes her roommate, comedian Lauren Ashley Bishop and Jake Hames, while absent Helen is in NYC to see Madonna. Jake talks about his cross country trip on his bike to raise money for his friend’s baby, while Maria and Lauren bicker about TiVo. Jake used popular website couchsurfing.org to get around from city to city, depending on the kindness of strangers. He admits to not getting laid on his trip, even after a couple of girls he met had bragged about having just learned how to give taint massages. Lauren prepositions Jake Gyllenhaal (not in studio, and probably not listening) to finger bang for babies. If he refuses, then he clearly hate babies.
This week we’re joined by actor/director Bill Watterson who is famous in Germany as the face of a German beer. We debate the merits of being the only sober person amongst a group of drunks. Helen thinks it’s annoying while Maria loves the opportunity to mock sloppy people. Bill just got out of a serious relationship while Helen just started one. After a fight with her new boyfriend, Helen wonders why people get into relationships at all? Everyone agrees there are pros and cons to signing up for relationships (intimacy, regular sex vs being annoyed all the time). Maria recently met a guy on OkCupid who seemed promising until she read the part about him being a polygamist. Helen’s taken her OkCupid profile down but has not changed her Facebook status from single. Everyone agrees relationship status posts are very high school and FB is like a gossiping aunt. In “The Racist Moment Of the Week”, Bill shares how he was shoulder-checked by a black woman and believes it was racially motivated. Perhaps she just didn’t like his face? It’s proven that most people’s “neutral face” comes across as hostile. We all try our neutral faces, and mutually scare the crap out of each other.
This week, the Little Ethnic Girls discuss whether having sex at a friend’s wedding is tacky. Helen wants to know because she just came back from a wedding and (cough, cough) maybe perhaps partook in aforementioned activity. Maria confirms that it is tacky, and dubs it the Stealing Thunder Club. Helen’s boyfriend sits in with them, revealing that he actually does exist, and that he does love Helen despite being called “roadcock” all the time. The discussion turns to Oprah’s interview with Rihanna where she admits to still loving Chris Brown even after he beat her up. Maria doesn’t like that Rihanna is a role model for teen girls, and thinks they should all look up to Susan Sarandon, even though no teenager has ever heard of her. Comedian Lukas Seely joins them to talk about growing up Asian in Billings, Montana, explaining “Our house was the Chinatown,” his recent break up with his ex because of her racist father, and starting the Big Sky Comedy Festival.
Little Ethnic Girls welcomes British comedian Olivia Lee, host of the hit new E! series “Opening Act.” Ambushing unsuspecting singers is a great gig, but the hours and traveling are not conducive to finding dates, which is why she’s still single. Olivia shares how she once avoided an ugly date by literally hiding under a blanket. She also reveals the sad fact that her Jewish grandmother still keeps a framed photo of Olivia’s last Jewish boyfriend from years ago. Helen’s parents are the same way, still burning a candle for her last Korean boyfriend, even though he was a douche. The three discuss why in the case of infidelity, America always points their fingers at the woman, and not the man, like in the case of Kristin Stewart. In The Racist Moment of the Week, Maria and Olivia were approached by guys who insisted that Maria looked Jewish, while Olivia was “way too cute” to be Jewish.
This week’s Little Ethnic Girls welcomes comedian Mike Batayeh to talk about his ethnically ambiguous character Dennis Markowski, the industrial laundromat manager on AMC’s Breaking Bad, growing up Jordanian in Detroit, and hearing anti-arab comments from people who thought he was Latino. Maria shares her short journey on quitting smoking and detoxing at the same time, while determined Helen is on a juice cleanse to lose 4 pounds in her face for a commercial. Helen is torn when a close friend, who is coming to stay with her, recently confided she has bed bugs, but is “super careful.” Does she let her stay, or send her packing? Maria and Mike weigh in on the ethical thing to do is vs. the Helen thing to do
Little Ethnic Girls welcomes former MMA fighter and current Bellator commentator Jimmy Smith to talk sports and boobs. It’s the first week of the Olympics, and we sympathize with the Saudi Arabian female wrestler who might not compete, because she’s not allowed to wear a modest suit. Naturally, the discussion migrates to fake breasts and plastic surgery. Helen can’t wait til she has money so she can get all sorts of work done, while more down-to-earth Maria just wants to fix a couple scars. And maybe a butt reduction, to which Jimmy assured her, no man wants. Jimmy’s happy as long as he can “write his name” on a woman’s breasts. In “The Racist Moment of the Week,” Helen shares her horror at being asked by an elderly white man at Starbucks “Hey miss, HOW MUCH?” while Maria’s run in with an old white guy included the phrase “All you jungle people….” Jimmy talks about getting into fights in high school in Long Beach. His advice on survival? Don’t be an easy target
This week’s Little Ethnic Girls welcomes comedian Clinton Pickens on the show to talk about his miraculous debut at the prestigious Comedy Cellar and his country singer alter ego, Toby McBrooks. We introduce our new regular segment “The Racist Moment of the Week.” Clinton talks about his fair share of discrimination as a “ginger,” Helen discusses continuously being mistaken for comedian Ali Wong, and Maria, while valeting her 1998 Camry at a posh Beverly Hills hotel, was mistaken for a babysitter. We learn that the Colorado movie theater shooter has a Match.com profile, which may explain why many women are scared of online dating.
In their debut podcast, Helen and Maria welcome their very first guest, Ed Weeks, who will be starring alongside Mindy Kaling in the upcoming Fox sitcom “The Mindy Project.” Ed shares, in his hot British accent, what it is like to have a Latin mom and English dad, while Helen tries hard to listen with her ears and not her lady boner. The girls agree that being a white guy in comedy must suck, but ethnic females do have it hard when it comes to overtly racist hate tweets. They discuss how originally the podcast was going to be about their adventures in online dating, until Helen fell in love with “road dick,” despite advice given by every male comedian not to bring that home. Helen’s mom calls in, and gives her broken English take on Helen’s new boyfriend, who she affectionately refers to as “chubby boy.”